EVANSTON – Local drug dealers protested yesterday against illegal immigration.  The influx of Mexican drugs, they say, has driven down the price and quality of marijuana – hurting homegrown marijuana in the United States.

Marijuana in the United States is grown under the strict supervision of expert psychedelic botanists.  Mexico’s marijuana standards, however, are much less stringent.  Marijuana is grown as cheaply as possible and on a wide scale – largely utilizing cheap labor.  This labor comes at a discount due to their lack of herbal proficiency – and it is reflected in the quality of the product.

In stark contrast to the hazes, kushs, and chronics of the United States, Mexican schwag tends to be drier, seedier, and significantly less potent than its American counterparts.  Moreover, recent testing of certain Productos de México has yielded more oregano than cannabis.

The decline in quality seems to be negligible, though, to consumers looking for a more affordable high.  Andy Rhodes, drug dealer, claims the intrusion into his market is unfair, “Man, like, you can’t come in here with a bag of stems and, like, try to sell it to my customers for real cheap, you know?  It’s like, supply and demand man, and business is bad.”

Equally well versed in economic principles, Andy’s drug dealing comrades echoed his sentiments.  They argue that a stricter immigration policy would cut off the supply line of Mexico’s drug cartels – eliminating the problematic influx of cheap narcotics from across the border.

As for Andy, he’ll continue to push his quality product over the inferior competition; “It’s, like, made in America, man.”

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