It has been widely rumored that Disney Channel actress, Selena Gomez, would be joining Northwestern’s class of 2014 this Fall. Aside from being proven false, these stories have now been traced back to an individual in the NU administration.
Alleged Future Wildcat
It is no secret that Northwestern students are often less than pleased with the campus atmosphere – and word gets out to potential applicants. Complaints of an unattractive student body, lackluster personalities, and watered down jungle juice have done nothing to warm prospective students up to Northwestern’s already chilly demeanor.
NU Residential Life officials have sought numerous solutions to these social issues – but their “dry happenings,” “coffees with a stranger”, and the student movement “oNe Northwestern” have yet to see any significant results. Unable to improve life on campus, a rogue administrator sought an alternative way to boost interest in Northwestern.
Posts about Selena Gomez on campus gossip websites were traced back to a computer in the ResLife section of Scott Hall. Incidentally, the same IP was used to spread rumors about Nick Jonas in previous years. In this poster’s ideal world – celebrity interest in Northwestern and shout-outs by Perez Hilton would boost applications to the school.
Unfortunately, these tales of celebrity interest have not popularized Northwestern to the degree the administrator had hoped. Jessica Lynch (WCAS ’14) offered a suggestion to the staffer, “Next time, try for someone cooler than a Disney Channel star.”
have you been to northwestern?
probs not because you write for a random blog. if you have gone here you would work for the chicago trib.
and for the record, that jungle juice can get you FUCKED UP.
(asshole)
Hey Shelly,
Do you go to Northwestern?
probs not because you wouldn’t have the time to comment on a random blog.
Oh, and thanks for the booz advice Senator McCarthy
(grundel)
true actually, not asshole, true
umm none of this is true. the vast majority of NU students have infinitely more vibrant personalities than you do. oh and they’re smarter than you will ever ever be. so have fun spending the next few decades working for these people that you start careless rumors about. come on now, have a little compassion.