I chose to be a Philosophy major because I have a rare combination of emotional depth and intellect.  These traits have made most of my life a struggle as I find myself repulsed by those who don’t posses them: namely my parents, FOX News, omnivores, fraternities, the NRA, and economics majors.

Growing up was very difficult.  My father was so conservative and my second stepmother so materialistic.  I spent most of my time couped up in the balcony off my room, watching “An Inconvenient Truth,” listening to NPR and Marx & Engels (my favorite Belle and Sebastian song), and reading the Huffington Post. Esther, our help, would occasionally leave “The Economist” on my dresser per my father’s request.  I put an Obama bumper sticker on my BMW 328Xi (X means all-wheel drive) just to spite him for that.

I ended up at Northwestern because of my excellent credentials.  I got a 1970 on the SATs with only time and a half (after the first time I took it I was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, a serious biological condition). My college essays were touching, one on a life-transforming experience in Kenya, another on a life-transforming experience helping disabled children in a low-income hospital.  I almost cried the first time my college counselor read them to me.

I was even Secretary of the Deforestation Concerns club in high school, a feat President Bienen personally complimented me on during the annual Northwestern Fundraiser, which my ass of a father dragged me to.

My grades were and remain not perfect, but its obviously because I choose to not fully apply myself. I am too concerned with social justice to focus on exams, which by the way, are prejudiced against people who do not perform well on them.

After living in PARC my freshman and sophomore year, I moved to a condo in the Optima Tower.  If you’ve never heard of the Optima Tower, perhaps the community service group I am on the executive board of can help you.  I don’t personally do the service, but I helped think of a bar night to raise money for it…or maybe it was for genocide, or the living wage?  So many things I impact, so little time.

Don’t thank me though, I do it because I’m compassionate.

Recently some of my causes have been facing resistance from those preppy, selfish, arrogant, spoiled, racist, most likely from Texas or Connecticut, campus jerks.  You know.  Economics majors.

They throw around ‘terms’ and ‘theories’ that the rich white Christian male leaders created to oppress minorities and working class people like myself.

For too long, we have let these people get in the way of what is important. I’m not saying I don’t understand economics’ practical uses.  I’m all about practicality, I’m a philosophy major.  It’s just that when I’m working for Teach for America next year (it is a very prestigious program), I’ll be helping the world. Meanwhile they’ll be raping the earth of its natural resources, building Wal-marts, laying off low-income workers, oil speculating, and stealing from their corporate credit cards with their invisible hands.  I know this because in Micro 201 (a heinous class I dropped after the first midterm) we learned that economics is about incentives, decisions, and opportunity cost: all synonyms for GREED.

I’m not going to try to argue with their ‘theories’ or ‘numbers’ or whatever. My major has taught me that arguments and reason are vapid, morally relative and distasteful.  My compassion makes me more of a people person, a renaissance-Obama citizen, if I may.  I’m about hope and trust. And when push comes to shove, who are you going to trust: me or the economists?

If all the hate politics and abortion rhetoric (or whatever ‘economists’ believe in) ever get you down, take comfort in the fact that there lots of people out there like me, itching to civilly serve.  We don’t need a bigger government, we need a smarter one. And I’ve got good news: I am here to help!

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