CHICAGO — When it is 10 p.m. in Chicago, it is 5 a.m. in Paris—a big enough time difference to make connecting with partners Josh Lampinen and Jérôme Liénard a challenge.

They try to talk twice a day, at night and again at 8:30 in the morning, Chicago time. They have even tried to work out a system.

At 5 a.m. Paris time, just as Liénard is getting ready to head to work as a civil servant in the French postal service, he calls Lampinen in Chicago, whose day as a graphic designer is just coming to an end. Then, 11 hours later, when Lampinen wakes up, he calls Liénard, who is now leaving his office in Paris at 3:30 in the afternoon. They talk for about 30 minutes. It seems to work.

Lampinen and Liénard hope that passage of the Uniting American Families Act will help bring them together. (Photo by Josh Lampinen)

As a gay, bi-national couple trying to maintain a long-distance relationship, Lampinen, 29, and Liénard, 43, struggle with the logistics. Despite the fact that five U.S. states and the District of Columbia have legalized same-sex marriage since 2004, current federal immigration laws don’t grant gay, bi-national couples the same residency benefits as their heterosexual peers.

Accordingly, this is what long-distance dating has been like for the recently engaged couple: a relationship characterized by daily Skype chats, brief visits, and utter frustration with their respective countries’ immigration laws. Lampinen and Liénard can’t quite live happily ever after because they can’t physically be together.

“It takes a special kind of person to do what we’re doing,” Lampinen said.

But Lampinen and Liénard are not alone. According to the advocacy organization Immigration Equality, there are over 36,000 gay, bi-national couples that are either living separately or facing separation—47 percent of which are also raising young children.

“The couples just say over and over again, ‘This isn’t fair, this is tearing apart our family,’” said Eric Berndt, supervising attorney for the LGBT Immigration Project at the National Immigrant Justice Center.

Berndt and other local LGBT immigration activists have most recently been focusing their efforts on comprehensive immigration reform, starting with the Uniting American Families Act. Introduced by Rep. Jerry Nadler, D-N.Y., and Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., the measure would allow U.S. citizens and legal immigrants to sponsor their same-sex partners for immigration benefits, just as spouses currently do for foreign-born husbands and wives.

Nadler’s press secretary, Ilan Kayatsky, said the congressman first proposed similar legislation in 2000 after members of New York’s 8th congressional district brought the issue to his attention.

“He felt it was gratuitously cruel, that it was unnecessarily harming people and harming American families,” Kayatsky said.

Though there have been 11 similar measures proposed since 2000, the bill’s proponents are hopeful that immigration reform will become a legislative priority this year.

But for now Washington seems all too consumed with the ongoing healthcare debate.

“I think the administration has made it very clear that this is not the top priority,” Lampinen said. “Healthcare is number one, but I have extreme hope that (immigration reform) will happen and I’m being patient about it.”

In the meantime, Lampinen has been championing the cause. In addition to speaking out at immigration forums and collaborating with the National Immigrant Justice Center, he has been contacting elected officials in an effort to increase awareness of the Uniting American Families Act. Whenever there are new developments regarding immigration reform and gay rights, Lampinen is one of the first to contact Illinois Sens. Dick Durbin and Roland Burris.

“I want people to see more than just a bill, more than just words on a page,” he said. “I want them to see that these laws affect people and their lives. My partner and I can’t be together because of this.”

In spite of Lampinen’s sentiments, the bill has its share of opponents. Although local officials declined to comment, the Catholic Church has been perhaps most vocal about its resistance to the Uniting American Families Act and the notion of immigration benefits for same-sex couples. In a June 2009 letter to Rep. Mike Honda, D-Calif., Bishop John C. Wester of the Conference of Catholic Bishops wrote that such legislation would “erode the institution of marriage and family” by taking a “position that is contrary to the very nature of marriage which pre-dates the Church and the state.”

Wester did, however, emphasize strong Catholic support for family-based immigration reforms that do not include same-sex couples.

Illinois Rep. Mike Quigley, one of the bill’s 120 co-sponsors and a practicing Roman Catholic, said he hasn’t let his religious convictions prevent him from supporting this all-inclusive bill.

“I agree with the Church that government shouldn’t be in the business of splitting families up,” Quigley said. “But my definition of families is a bit broader than theirs.”

Until legislation is finally passed, gay, bi-national couples are limited in their options. Some try to obtain temporary work or education visas, while others live day-to-day undocumented. Many find the situation too stressful and ultimately end the relationship.

Lampinen and Liénard feel they have been together too long to simply give up now. Ideally the plan is to have Lampinen move to Paris, where French law permits civil unions between same-sex partners. After that he will be granted temporary status, but might have to wait up to five years before he can become an official citizen. If not, there’s always Canada, one of only seven countries worldwide with legalized same-sex marriage.

Regardless, Lampinen maintains his commitment to his fiancée. While their future might be uncertain for now, he stays motivated by knowing they will one day be together, he said:

“Where and when?  I don’t know. But knowing and hoping that we will keeps me going.”

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