In the Fighting Methodist’s everlasting quest to print only the most hard-hitting news, the it has launched a weekly party report, entitled, Questionable Intel. To compete with other notable websites (click at your own risk: here, here, and here), Questionable Intel guarantees to deliver only the most sensationalist, unsubstantiated hearsay and gossip at Northwestern.

Journalism

So without further ado, last week’s party report:

Thursday: A NIGHT OF DRUNKEN DEUCE-ING

Crazy upperclassmen party animals have a sick pregame at an infamous off-campus location. The night ensues as some of the kids blackout and don’t even make it to the deuce! But some kids do, and they’re so drunk they do karaoke, and guess what? They weren’t even good at singing–cuz they’re drunk! How embarrassing?! It was so classic.

Friday: DRINKING AT A DATE PARTY

A particular greek organization charters illuminated limos to take their dates to a super-expensive bar. A lot of kids aren’t even 21, but they still get into the bar–now thats bad-ass! Dancing and drinking ensue as some girls have a few too many and start dancing on the bar. Then, one freshman girl breaks her heel and falls on the bar! How embarrassing?! She’s so not getting a bid to one of the top three houses now…

Saturday:  FRAT-ING AT A FRAT PARTY

A certain fraternity had a certain annual party with a certain well-known theme. They certainly invited some of their FAVE froshies and hot lady friends. Fratting ensued. Some scandalous frat boys certainly even hooked up with girls. One of them wasn’t even attractive. Man, he must have been wasted. So college! This frat would be in such big trouble if only the University administration could read about how hard these guys party on the internet…or something.

Keep partying (and more importantly, read about it online)!

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